Yo' Brainz and My mind!

This post isn't going to get much admirers. As such I don't expect much, as far as my blog's publicity goes, I have been clicking on the "Good" and "Interesting" buttons all this while to reflect that I have readers. 

I would like to talk about the most irritating habit out of my several obsessive compulsive disorders. And most of you have been victims to it and at one point or the other have cursed me to burn in hell for inflicting such pains on you!

To start with, how many of you have I reminded that you never ever use the past tense of a verb which is prefixed by a "did" in the sentence! (It's not - "I did went there". It's - "I did go there!") YES! I am talking about my (in)famous "English Correcting Disorder". You must be hoping this post is about apologizing for all those bugging unsolicited grammar lessons!

Don't get too happy. Getting a sorry from me on this issue is just as difficult as getting my boss to like me! 

I have recently awakened to the fact that using wrong English is a trend today. And I am just too obsolete to be able to catch up with the latest fashion statements! 

For example: The obsession with the word "Ma"? Somehow everyone is using instead of "My"! I don't understand. Because as far as I know, we are supposed to use 2 alphabets for both of the words. So, is it that typing the letter "a" is easier than typing "y"?

And has anyone tried to read how these sentences sound? "I told ma mother to gimme ma money cuz I want to buy maself a bike of ma own"!! To me it just appears that you stammer a lot. What is this "Ma" fetish? Is it some way to say you are much more cooler? "Ma world"! "Ma friends" "Ma family"...

Trust me every time I read these irritating expressions and sentences, all I can do is say out a hindi expletive in my head which also apparently starts with the word "Ma****"! 

I am not against using short forms, they in a way are easy to use specially in text messaging. But then, the examples here aren't short forms. I am talking about original English terms being twisted and turned and thereby made absolutely ghastly to hear or read! For eg. When everyone around you uses 'Lol' as a shortcut for 'Laughing out loud' it's okay! However, these days I have come across 'Lol' as an expression used very differently. If something very funny happens to someone or someone suffered an embarrassing incident, we use: "Uske saath aaj mast lol hua"! Even when you're embarrassed, they would use "Lol" instead of "Damn" or "Ohh Shit"! Also, these days, youngsters have started saying 'Lol' instead of laughing at your joke! No comments! :-S 

Moving on, recently, one of my friends buzzed me on Gtalk and it read: "Dhappp??" I couldn't  really get that and thought it was a spelling error. However, later on I got enlightened that it stands for "What's up?". Yes. "What's up?" as an expression is outdated. It is now "What Up?" (Thanks Barney!) which has further got transformed into "Whaddduuuup" and hence the short cut - "Dhapp?" As long as an amateur English user like me is concerned, that "Dhapp" is simply one of the expressions used by Diamond comics I read as a child where there were also other sounds like "Dhadaam" "Kadd Boooooom" "Dhamaka" etc. 

Anyway, now that I am trying to get trendier, I have recently realized, all we need to do is use stuff like: "Yo man", "Bro", "Ciao", "Dude" and bingo! It doesn't matter if you are incapable for formulating a single sentence in English. All you need to do is add a "Bro" or "Dude" and you are all hep now!

Amidst all these "Friggin wurdz which neva eva make ny sense to ma mind" all I can do is pray that one fine day I "rise" to these levels and am able to inculcate the latest trends to be one of those "Yo" types! 

God help me!