The Facebook Chronicles

As you all know, I am seen online only all the time. Across all social media platforms. No, it's not because I have got nothing to do. I mean it's true that I am free almost all the time, just that it's not the reason. The reason I am here is that I am one of those lucky ones who are paid to hang out at the social media platforms. Whiling my time around here, I keep observing the behavior and trends that take rounds. I couldn't help but write them all down at a place. Perhaps one fine day when Facebook would be dead, this piece will serve as a helpful tool to the one who need referring to it.

I love you and I want to remember your birthday. 

If one of your friends have sent you a "I want to add you to My Birthday Calendar" request, you will have the same request sent to you by at least a dozen more friends in the next one week. At one point in time, you will actually scream out - "Nahi chahiye...birthday calendar request nahi chahiye...bhaiyaa aage jaao" to your screen.

Photographer mai hoon, SLR idhar hai! 

Whoever owns a high tech camera, will have a profile picture posing with the camera, clicking something. Mostly it would be his/her reflection in the rear view mirror of a car, clicking the mirror. Then there would be albums, all clicked by the high end camera, edited in Picasa. Most of them will have a page for their 'photography'. More often than not it would be 'First Name Last Name Photography'. Not to forget the requests to like these pages by these friends. After 3-4 pages, you would go back to the "Nahi chahiye..." dialogue from the last point.

One more request and I SHALL CRUSH YOU!

Yes, they are the heartless, shameless souls who have gotten addicted to the Facebook dope 'Candy Crush' and are just sadistic enough to keep bugging the rest of us by sending unending Candy Crush requests.

We're in louve

People who are actually seeing someone in their lives, mostly stay away from the 'relationship status' bit on Facebook. The ones who really enjoy and give absolute meaning to that feature of Facebook are the ones who are about to get married. Especially if it's an arranged marriage. The moment the match gets confirmed, the first update 'In a relationship' happens. It stays for a few days, because the next inevitable one 'Engaged' happens. Sometimes the gap between the first and second status is only a week but then you know, it's the only time when they can be the cool ones with 'In a relationship' status. How many of us can actually afford that otherwise?

Switty switty switty tera pyaar chaahida

The Facebook romeos have it easy these days. They don't have to actually go after a girl singing the song. They don't have to take the pains of having to convey it to the girl that they are interested in her. They just have to start liking her pictures, posts, updates, comments. Just go on a liking spree for each and every post of the girl to tell her that you're interested in her. The number of likes decrease with the decreasing levels of these romeos' interests. 

The grammar pricks

These are the pricks who just have taken the onus of correcting everyone's grammar on Facebook. They just can't stand spelling errors or stand grammatical errors. Therefore they assume their moral duty is to correct everything that's spelled wrongly and comment on every thread with the corrected word/sentence/punctuation attached with that bloody asterix(*). They think they are uplifting everyone's standards and spreading the knowledge while everyone else just quietly wants them to die and burn in hell for eternity.

I am happy and you must know it!

There would be people who are extremely happy in their lives. Their husbands are the best in the world. Their parents are the best in the world. Their kids are the best in the world. Their jobs are the best in the world. Their roommates are the best in the world. Their hometown. their friends, their sabziwala, the autowala who drove them to the office...bloody everyone they come across happens to be THE BEST IN THE WORLD!!! (Yes, the capital letters are intended. People belonging to this category end up using the 'all caps' feature a lot. The exclamation marks are intentional too.)

I am watching you

The stalkers. They stalk you. They won't like your statuses. They won't like your pictures. They would be seen only lurking around. Their likes are restricted for the mean/witty/sarcastic comments that might get posted on your posts by someone. One fine day you realize they have done this activity to almost all of your posts. That's when you realize they are monitoring your timeline and it creeps you out a little. You feel like removing them from your friends list. However it strikes you that stalking you and making those attempts at supporting your critics might be the only interesting thing they get to do all day. So you oblige and let them be.

There are plenty of more categories. For example: The dog lovers. They own/owned a dog. That's about it. That's where the online posts start and end. There is nothing to their personalities that doesn't revolve around dogs. There are whiners. Their life is a drama and you're all welcomed to be a part of it. There are the hot ones. 'Hot headed' ones to be precise. They can give a certain Mr. Goswamy a run for his money when talking about politics, fuming over the state of governance and seeking the answers that India needs. There are also the cool ones. They are just too cool to talk politics. Too cool to celebrate Indian festivals. They just talk smoke, dope, rock, and some random shit that a normal man can't understand. Yes, they are also the ones who will end all of their dialogues with '...and shit.' 

And yet, Facebook bring all of us idiots together on one platform. To observe each other's differences so that we can make fun of others, get jealous of others, get a high out of how our lives are better than others, or you know, just reflect on how free we are to actually pay attention to status updates and links that take you to such crappy blog posts. 

:D 

Love to hate you!

The 2 times I truly feel alive, 
When I love with all I have, and when I hate with all my might! 

As much as I like the spiritual concept of freeing your mind and seeing beyond the obvious to find goodness in this world, I DO believe in the sentiment of hatred. Like Sheldon Cooper, I too believe in having "Mortal enemies". I don't maintain a list on a floppy drive, but yeah, I do have people in my life who I hate, with all my might. 

Most of us believe (or would like to believe) that hatred causes no good. It's love that solves everything. I on the other hand believe, 'hatred' is a perfectly valid sentiment. The feeling of hatred is simply the feeling of love gone wrong. You despise someone because that person disappointed you, broke your trust or hurt your feelings. You end up hating this person because at some point of time, you liked this person for the qualities that he/she couldn't live up to in the end.

Hating/Disliking someone isn't bad. It shows you have a clear understanding of what is acceptable for you and what is not. It builds your character, defines your personality. After all, the people who love me, have taken care of me, and have always stood by me deserve something that is real and exclusive. I would treat them the way I won't treat everyone else. If I just let go and become casual towards those who have mistreated me, how am I doing justice to those who've been nice to me? If I am not bad to anyone, I am being good to no one.  

I too have forgiven and forgotten in life, but have done so when the person has duly apologized. That's when it's only justified to forgive and let bygones be bygones. It's good to build the capacity to forgive those who ask for it, have the bigger heart, perhaps.

But the world isn't the best place to live in and no one wants to be pushed around. Also, just how much have the nice feelings like love, beauty, serenity or peace really changed the course of your life? Have you ever experienced the drive to go beyond your comfort zones, fight all the adversities and, stretch your limits when you're in that blissful state of mind with life full of love and trust and beauty?

On the other hand think of the times when you forced yourself to work harder because these dark feelings overpowered your senses. More often than not the drive to prove yourself, the rush to succeed, the burning desire to reach beyond all heights somehow come from the feelings like hate, dejection, disappointment, or betrayal. Even if it comes in the form of overcompensation, you do end up doing the impossible. Had you just 'let go' of the hurt or never felt a thing against those people or situation that were so brutal towards you, nothing would have driven you. 

Now, there might be people who would think that we must in fact be thankful to the ones who harmed us because that drove us towards excellence or success. Why thank them? It was my discretion that made me choose to focus on myself instead of focusing on planning how to murder them. So anyone who hurt me ever and wants the credit for making me a better person, the only message for you is "You, sir/miss, are an asshole". 

Hold some grudge, burn a few bridges, let there be unfinished businesses, let yourself feel a little unsettled and unfulfilled in life. All of these bring out the evil in you, yes but as it goes, it's not as bad to embrace your dark side. ;)

Single, are you?

Once you reach the late twenties, the only concern that the world around you starts to have is seeing you married. I get the question, "Why still single?" all the time. Initially I would go all the way being sensible about my response coming up with meaningful replies like "The hunt is on" or "Yeah, the moment the right guy comes along, marriage won't take time." Slowly, you get bored. The responses go to the careless "No idea" or "Not in the mood to leave singlehood". Then sometimes the irritations sets in. The responses can go from "Because I don't give a tiny rat's ass" all the way to "why don't you find someone for me...try finding a NICE guy...try it, I DARE YA!". (Just for the record, I reached the irritated stage 3 months back. These days more often than not I land in a murderous mood when such talks happen. If you have to talk on these lines, make sure you maintain 10 meters of distance between you and me.)

Sometimes I am even worse. That's when I say the truth as my replies to the question "28 and still single?". The unlucky ones have been on the receiving end of statements like:

- "Just because you settled doesn't mean everyone should."
- "I wanted to get married but then I saw what your marriage was like. Frightening stuff."
- "You're 90 and you ain't dead. Sometimes the inevitable takes time to happen. Let's roll with it."

If you're 28 and unmarried, everyone around is stereotyping you. I can see it with people pouring in the "Awwww...you'll find someone." "Yeah, high time for you ya". People would call you  'ambitious' which is just a better word for 'selfish' in their heads. That's not all, there are always relatives who are trying to tell your parents how letting their "daughter" pursue her dreams and career wasn't the best of the ideas. (It happens. Seriously.)

I guess I am in some pitiable state in life and everyone wants to help. My well wishers have sorted that reason out for me too. Apparently, I have very high expectations, I am difficult to please and, my personality intimidate men. People who know the real me, I know you guys have a smirk of amusement on your faces as you read this. :)

Do I love the fact that I am single? Not exactly. Who wouldn't want a companion to share your life with at this stage? I would like to have one too. On the other hand, do I consider myself unlucky or unfulfilled just because I am single. Again, not exactly. Having a stable career, absolute independence, and control on my own life is quite a fulfilling experience in its own way. Those who haven't experienced it will not understand it. 

The deal is simple, this isn't a race. Can't push people to rush into things. My marital status shouldn't define who I am or determine how happy I am. Yes, life of a single person can be tough at times. But then so is the life of a married person. We singles don't tell you guys to get divorced every time you fight with your partner or have arguments with your in laws. The same law applies to the other side of this coin. We all have our own lot to deal with. All we can do is...deal with it. 

Peace. :)

Heartbreak

Life has been good, after you left.

There hasn't been a heartbreak after you left.

There were a few who came along. Talked and cared and one day they left.

But they couldn't really disappoint me, for I had no expectations left.

Nothing got broken, for the pieces barely had any form left.

So yeah, life has been good after you left.

There hasn't been a heart break...
There hasn't been love, either...after you left.